Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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