So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
