Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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