i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
