Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
