TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
