i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
