I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
