What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
