i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize