My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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