I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize