**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
