Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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