Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
