i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
