Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
