I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sext me about skeletons
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
