Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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