I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
