hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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