Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
