fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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