2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
operation harelip BJ is a go
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
