I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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