He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize