well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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