we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Found the puke drawer
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
