I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
