so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
