someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
