guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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