They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
