She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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