Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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