if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
