I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
