She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
