I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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