Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
