If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize