My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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