sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
