at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
