so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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