i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
