just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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