Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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