Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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