woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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