Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
