Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am one with the molecules
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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