apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
