i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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