So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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