He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize