Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize