so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
