I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Randomize
