Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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