Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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