have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
