in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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