Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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