Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
