i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
